


Quiet

by dirtmccracken



Category: Bandom, Cobra Starship, Midtown, The Academy Is...
Genre: Blindfolds, Implied D/s, Sensory Deprivation, honestly Gabe is just being a shit and Bill confuses him
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-10
Updated: 2016-02-10
Packaged: 2018-05-19 13:37:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5969158
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dirtmccracken/pseuds/dirtmccracken
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>“Gabe,” William looked away from his phone and moved so he was sitting on the ground near the other. “You've given me no reason to think you should have anything to drink. Are you and Pete fighting again? Weird news from your family?” Bill had plenty of experience with Gabe dodging questions, and for a long time he had been one of the few people who continues to ask even to Gabe's disapproval.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Quiet

“Are you going to tell me why you came to Chicago and gave me about twelve hours to get ready yet?” William asked calmly, scrolling through instagram while Gabe laid on his floor.

“Do you have anything other than Jameson around?” Gabe responded, stretching out a bit on the ground.

“Gabe,” William looked away from his phone and moved so he was sitting on the ground near the other. “You've given me no reason to think you should have anything to drink. Are you and Pete fighting again? Weird news from your family?” Bill had plenty of experience with Gabe dodging questions, and for a long time he had been one of the few people who continues to ask even to Gabe's disapproval. 

Gabe shook his head a bit, rolling to get off the floor. It felt a bit weird to really move, having finally settled himself down enough he may as well been part of the floor. “Just missed you, man. It was the only time I could find without something else coming up.” He shrugged a little, walking into the kitchen and looking around briefly before he found the New Amsterdam in Bill’s freezer. “You want a shot?” Gabe asked. He poked his head into the living room,  just enough to show William the bottle.

“You're an awful liar.” William said flatly before getting up and heading into the kitchen with Gabe. “If I take a shot will you cut the shit?”

“We'll see.” Gabe quickly pulled down a couple of shot glasses and filled them both almost a bit too full with the vodka. “You only had a full bottle of vodka because you were counting on me drinking, there’s only one way to see where it goes.”

The two of them had been drinking together since before William could technically even drink at all. Having shared hundreds of nights full of stupid shit and thousands of drinks, he wasn’t at all surprised to see Gabe pouring a second shot when by the time William had grabbed the cranberry juice. “I’ll never fuckin’ get how you do that.” He shook his head a little, taking his shot before chugging down a bit of the juice to help kill the burn.

Without bothering to ask, Gabe filled the glass again and looked at him. “Same time so we can actually say we took a shot together?”

William knew Gabe was just stalling at this point, but he also knew if he didn’t take that shot then the older man would. “On three.”

Gabe counted for them, quickly throwing back the vodka and feeling the burn in his throat. His face twisted a little bit but he didn’t reach for the juice. Whether he actually wanted to or not, he never was really sure. It was more a matter of pride than anything at this point to just take the shot and move on. 

After taking a drink of the juice and shaking off the surge of warmth that came every time a shot his his stomach, William reached up to wrap an arm around Gabe’s shoulders. “Why did you come to Chicago, man? You know I miss you too. You know you can call me whenever and you’ve never been shy about that before. You and I both know this is more.”

“Haven’t really figured it out yet,” Gabe half-lied, looking at his friend. He felt bad not being honest with William, transparency was always the goal with them. It was all about talking and getting things out there. Especially if he didn’t have all the details, because Bill was unbelievably good at helping him fill in the blanks.  But this time Gabe didn’t  _ want _ to have anything figured out. “I’m here because you always help me figure it out, Bilvy. And because I miss the seasons, LA is too warm all year. It actually feels like fall when I come up here.”

William wasn’t totally buying any of that. Yeah, Gabe bitched about LA weather constantly. Even when they just were touring and recording, he hated it. He always told Bill it was just wrong for people to live without real seasons. But William was smarter than that. He saw how Gabe didn’t look him in the eyes and how all night he had been a much more muted version of the guy who came over “just because” and he really wasn’t sure he had the patience for this tonight. “I know you aren’t here just for fun because dinner hasn’t been on the table. You haven’t handed me a list of every show this weekend to see where you can drag me, haven’t even bothered to ask if Sisky was in town. You’re drinking from my freezer before asking to go to a bar. When are you going to stop lying to the people who see something wrong before you even do, Gabe?”

Hearing the tone Bill used, Gabe shrugged off his arm and headed towards the bathroom. “I’ll be back in a second,” he said quickly.

Gabe made sure to lock the door and took a deep breath before looking at himself in the mirror. At a certain point, Gabe knew what this was all about. He was terrified to admit it because even here, even just saying it to William in this tiny apartment absolutely no one would hear made it feel too real. He splashed some water on his face, staring in the mirror a bit longer before he went back out to face William.

“Bill?” He looked around, not seeing him in the kitchen anymore.

“Bedroom.” 

Not thinking much of it, Gabe headed into William’s room. He figured they were just going to watch a movie, or William wanted to lay down for a few minutes. Relaxing probably would have been good for him too, so he sure as hell wasn’t going to complain. However, when he walked into the room he was a bit alarmed to see William playing with a tie and a couple ropes laying on the bed. “Everything okay?” He asked a bit in jest, having a pretty good idea where this was going. It had been a while since anything had happened between them, but historically speaking William was much better at seeing when Gabe needed it than he was. 

“Other than you being a brat, everything has been going fine. Lay down.” William’s voice was almost too casual. He talked to Gabe in the same tone he would address a hotel employee or cahier with and it was one of the most unnerving things to Gabe.

He thought about arguing, almost told William he was just fine and walked out right then. William never did anything if he was told no, and he probably wouldn’t push Gabe to try again either. But Gabe did need this. He needed the calm that was brought when he gave himself up to William. He needed the way it cleared out his head and the way he could actually look at himself after and feel worth something. Because if he could get William to call him good, could he really be all that bad? He laid down quietly, glancing over at Bill but not saying a word.

“Do you know why we’re here?” William asked calmly, tying Gabe’s wrists to the head board easily.

Gabe wanted to say something about how he still had on a shirt he liked, how Bill was doing this all out of order. But he didn’t. He wasn’t going to push like that when he saw the nearly stoic look WIlliam gave him. It was the weird cold displeasure that always made him behave. William was never scary, but disappointing him was one of the scariest feelings in the world. “I haven’t been telling you everything.”

“No,” William said a bit sharply, “You have been lying. You never tell me everything, you never know it all.” He said as he pulled the knot a bit tighter and was finally confident Gabe couldn’t get out of the bindings without considerable effort.

“‘m sorry…”

“If you’re sorry you would fix it.” William said calmly, moving over to his desk to pick up the tie.

Gabe fell silent at that. He didn’t want to fix it. He didn’t want Bill to see how far he’d really let himself get. He’d done so good making everyone think this was getting easier for him. Everyone thought he was getting better, but he felt seconds from just giving up and going away.

“Still not talking then?” William asked as he looked down into Gabe’s eyes, shaking his head when he got no response. He leaned down, gently kissing Gabe’s forehead before tying the tie over his eyes. “Then we will sit here until you are ready.” He spoke quietly, smiling slightly to himself as he moved away.

“Bill I-”

“Quiet. You’re going to sit there and think about why you came all the way out here. You’re going to actually think about it and figure out what it is you have to say, and you will not say a single word until you have that worked out. Are we clear?”

Gabe nodded slightly, though he felt himself getting more tense. He wanted to yell and tell William this wasn’t fair. He wanted so badly to curse him off and just catch the next plane home. But he knew William was right, he had to figure this out some time. He honestly wasn’t quite sure how long he had been laying there by the time he felt like he was ready enough to talk, but he could feel the way his chest got tight and how sharp his breathing was. He wanted to talk, he wanted to tell William and get it all out and the thoughts on their own were becoming too real. He didn’t want to be a quitter, but maybe that’s what he was born to do.

The silence was awful and he hated not being able to see. William was smart and Gabe knew it was all by design. He knew William wasn't going to let him out until he had actually spent some time in his head. He couldn't dodge it forever, but William was the first person to see he was off enough to try and stop him. He couldn't see or feel much and there was nothing to hear but the occasional tap of Bill's fingers against his phone. It was unbearable, and he had to figure out what say.

“I.. I think I’m ready?” His voice was so unsure it barely felt like his own. It barely felt like he was talking to his best friend.

Before he knew it, the blindfold was off and he was trying to readjust to the light. He looked up at William, not saying anything before he did. “Well?” Bill asked rather expectantly.

“I…” Gabe went to start but lost his nerve. When he saw William going to retie the blindfold, he quickly got it out “I don’t think I can keep writing.”

As soon as he heard it, William dropped the blindfold and went to start undoing the knots in the rope. “Why?” William asked conversationally, not wanting to give Gabe time to retreat into himself again. 

“Because I’m not good any more. It’s all too much anyway. It’s not worth it.”

“You’re still good, Gabe. Tell me why it isn’t worth it to you.” He wasn’t going to invalidate Gabe’s decision, but he sure as fuck wasn’t going to indulge Gabe’s self-loathing either.

It took Gabe just a moment to figure out how to answer that, watching William’s arms move as they worked the knot off. “It’s all getting so fake. I started this to have fun and spend time with my friends and I… Ry and Alex left, half the people I started this to be around don’t even tour anymore, The music it… I can’t do it the same without my team. It’s gonna end up like last time and I… I have no more magic. No phone calls I can make or drugs I can do that would make any of it better if I keep going and it doesn’t work.”

William listened calmly, tossing the rope off to one of the corners of his room and making Gabe move over a little bit so he could lay down too. “You don’t have to be on stage to keep writing. And you don’t have to keep writing to keep contributing.” William said softly, looking into Gabe’s eyes as he did so he was sure the other was listening to him. “You know the most important thing is finding a way to thrive. That’s why you started Cobra to begin with, and if it’s doing anything for you but making your life better, you have to be willing to make that call.”

“This is why I came here.” Gabe smiled slightly, shifting so he was cuddled up against William. “I don’t want to give up though. I don’t want to be known as the guy who just always walks-”

“You didn’t walk away from Midtown, Gabe. None of you were making money, none of you were able to hold a decent standard of living, and everyone moved on and did something for themselves.” William said calmly, trying his best to not let Gabe overthink this more than he already had. “Plus you stuck with your next band longer than Heath.” He joked, earning him a slight hit in the arm from Gabe.

Gabe thought about trying to argue more, to come up with real reasons to keep doing this but William was right, William was always right. He had been pushing himself a lot lately, and he couldn’t keep up. He was so close to just dropping everything again, but maybe this was all about reinventing. All about just thriving as a person first. “Hey,” Gabe nearly whispered, starting to feel the tiredness from his day catching up to him. “Thank you for dealing with me.”

William laughed a little and sighed, kissing the top of Gabe’s head. “You know everyone deals with you because we really fucking love you right? Take some time. Really think about it. You know you have more to offer, even if it isn’t in the form of songs.”

“Mhmm.. Maybe I should look into taste testing vodkas… Someone’s gotta tell them what flavors are good.”

“From what I’ve seen, I bet you could drink professionally.”

When they were like this, things felt a lot less out of place. Even if Cobra ended and Gabe had to move on, even if he called in quits on everything he was known for he would still have this. A warm bed and the world’s best best friend that no one could take from him. The two of them stayed up a bit longer, joking back and forth and showing each other a few of the best videos they had forgot to send since they last saw each other. 

When the two of them were quiet, Gabe knew he’d said everything he had to. And he knew if he needed anything else while he tried to figure this out for real, William was always just a call away. He fell asleep surprisingly easily, resting close to William. It was amazing how quickly Bill could just put him at ease. 


End file.
